As I was relaxing at the gardens of who gives a shit, the resident askari of the area walked over to ask for a ki 100 buck coin so he could get a cigarette! I used this chance to ask him about him-u-selef, and here’s the uncut and unedited version of the story, this cost a cool 2 thou bucks, and half of my lager, so here goes;
My name me am called Sylvester (I knew it, pure pre-colonial name, very common also with wheelbarrow pushers and chaps that sell braids and sugarcanes at the traffic lights). I hail from Kibibi district, Mutunyoza parish (what the hell is hail, kumbe I thought it was just in Hail Mary, full of pints! ((blasphemous punk!)) Con-ninue, priz…. My fazza, was a parish chief, at the LC1 level, incharge of education, so we were big people (wonder what the LC2’s kid will say, bigger people, perhaps?).
Anyway, my fazza he had the many wives, very many I tell you, you hear of the Mswati, my father was bigger. I was the child number 14, from my mazza, ze wife number 6! But when he passed by the way……”hold up, u mean passed away?”.......ah, u English people, did u know that that is not yo-wa language?.......”that’s for another time bugger, go on”………sench u, anyway, my fazza he passed on the way, then the wives they started to fight for the belongings!
Wife number 1 and the number 2 got very many of the lands, and they gave the childrens of them, us we were left to suffering, so I entered the lorry for the primary school, which was going to Kampala to bring the firewood, and I was the turn boy, but when I reach the Kisenyi, I jump out!
First, I used to sleep on the bus stop, there was a nice chair that was put by the people of Mango telecom. I use the kaveeras of Bin-IT, they are very big and cover me ploperly! Then I was walking one day, and saw the askari, and ask him if I want to be askari, he say I must finish P7, I tell him I finish S2, at the school, but no school fees. He tell me to follow him, and the next day, I get the gun, and the training and they put me here.
I stay with my friend, also askari, there in Kisenyi. We have a very big house, eh, even other askari they like it, we have 1 bedroom, and a bathroom outside. The rent is 14,000/= a month, so me I pay the 7 thousand, and him the 7 thousand. My salary is 45 thousand, so I walk to home, and send some money home, to build the house. The grass for the roof is very expensive, so I save 5 thousand every month, so I finish the house!
My wife is in the village, but I need to have the 4 other wives, so I be big like my fazza! The children are only 6 now, I want about 9 more, then I stop. Future? shyaa, nga us we were 14 and now look, we have made it!!
Senk u for zis 2 souzand, God bless u very many, today, am going to buy a full roast maize, for 1 souzand, everyday I buy the half a cob, but today, u have given me the blessing to eat full cob!!
Personally am out, for a full Nile Perch grilled rib – luckily the askari wont read this shit!!
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