Authority makes me sick to the marrow! I never want to get an MBA or Doctorate coz that way the rest of my life shall be entrapped in bullshit I really don’t give a rat’s dirty behind about!
Reason for this rant:
Some chap told me to check on what it would take to open a forex bureau, just a ka forex bureau, but wow, what a trip to wonderland. The first thing of course was take a trip to BOU, where I was directed to the Non Banking Financial Institutions Dept, from where I was given a ki 100 page document to browse thru in my free time, then swing my ignorant self back to these offices after understanding the shit.
This document looked like that crap parliamentarians be releasing to the press, so that we think they are doing real shit;
“Office to the Clerk of Parliament: addendum to commission of security set up by Rt Hon Speaker of Parliament, by order of the Constitution Clause 3 subsection 2 b of 1978 and the 1998 act amendment as regards……blah blah blah crap crap crap….” and on and on the bullshit goes! How about simple English, punks!
Back to the forex document, the entire thingy looked like the stuff explained above, but let me break it down the way it should ACTUALLY be.
STATUTORY INSTRUMENTS SUPPLIMENT
SUPPLEMENT NO. 4
to The Uganda Gazette No. 8 Volume XCVIX dated 10th February, 2006 (No Shit!!)
Printed by UPPC, Entebbe, by Order of the Government. (Oooooh, we are really scared!!)
Cutting through the crap, here are the conditions, in no particular order, but in the ballistic interpretation;
1 – A minimum security deposit of twenty currency points, and oh, it’s non refundable, whether you get the licence or not. And by the way, in case you were wondering what a currency point is, just scroll to Schedule 1 Form B of this heavy document, like on page 83 there!!
2- Premises for an office, must be ballistic, meaning that that garage behind your house won’t do, and please don’t think about Daddy’s boys quarters.
Clause 3 Subsection 2 Part a) A Class A licence shall be issued to transfer agencies, as if Western Union.
b) Class B shall go to a forex bureau.
Clause 4 – In considering an application under subsection 2, the Bank will require the following;
i) A minimum paid up share capital of two thousand and five hundred currency points, you’ve forgotten already??? Drag yo ass back to Schedule 1 and figure out what a currency point is…BITCH!!
Subsection “whatever” of this “whatever” clause that we are sure you have already forgotten, says that if you are to apply for a Class C licence, that’s if you still remember what that is, you shall be required to meet the following criterion;
Unfortunately, we have run out of capital letters, numbers and roman numerals to use for our bullets, so we shall go with the classic dots;
· The integrity of management shall be supported by 2 referees. If we discover that you have been poking your snotty nose in places you weren’t supposed to be, consider the dimes you deposited as non-refundable in one of the very many clauses above, gone, vamoosed, swindled, disappered. Scroll back up, and confirm that clause you naughty bugger!
Too many bullets, you must be lost by now. Read the rest of the clauses later when you are feeling better. And please, don’t forget to read our Remedial measures and Administrative sanctions, and oh, the anti-money laundering stuffs, and we are not talking about washing clothes, mbu laundry, but some other financial stuffs only for literate chaps!!
Still up for that MBA?
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