January 09 - In a nutshell!!

So the year has come to an end, you can know this because the bored chaps at Sanyu FM have started playing Christmas songs already, and the chaps at the New Vision are asking you to write to them who did what, for the year 2k9.

At this here blog, we are going to re-coup the happenings of 2k9, since that’s the fad these days, who are we not to jump into the bandwagon!

January:

The year began on a horrendous note, no fuel. In January 2k8, rioters in Kenya, who were quite displeased with the way Kibaki had firmly entrenched his behind at the Presidential chair in the Kenya State house, started burning anything that moved. Truck drivers responsible for ferrying fuel to Uganda were beaten up, and their fuel sniffed by the rioting goons. In Jan 2k9, the excuse was that the pipeline was being repaired. The fuel scarcity meant that all Kampala posers parked their Hummers at home and borrowed the Premios for safety.

Gas station owners, especially those little unknown ones increased prices to 15,000 bucks a litre, which pissed off boda boda chaps. People would be driving around town and whenever they saw a queue, they simply joined, only to reach the pump and hear “its over”, so chaps used more fuel, looking for fuel!

Around the 5^th of this month, a security officer shot a cleaner at Garden City Stan Chart bank, and gave himself a dose of 1 bullet as well, ending his miserable life instantly. A note found on him claimed that the cleaner was on his sexual network, but her husband had just been released from prison so she was going back to him, so since he didn’t have 100 million dollars signed on his pre-nup like Tiger Woods so she could stay on his network, he killed her, and himself!

Musician, or is it froggy voiced artiste, a one Chameleon was knocked senseless when he had an altercation with some chap from Club Silk. It was also over a woman. The irate chap apparently followed the froggy voiced fella outside the night club and knocked him down with his car, like a bulldozer bringing down an electricity pole, leaving the frog, sorry, artiste hospitalized. He (of the froggy voice) was still recovering after apparently sleep walking his way into the tabloids, by breaking his legs after falling off a hotel balcony in Tz, an event that called for an inquiry into whether his blood stream had traces of the ganja!

On around 17^th or thereabouts, Uganda Investment Authority knighted telecom company Warid as Sir Investor of the Year. Young fellas and corporates were pissed by this dubbing, because these Warid punks failed to bring in Beyonce, yet Zain had brought Akon and MTN had ferried in UB40, who are these punks who haven’t even brought at least Mr Blue??

30^th Jan was the worst, pay tv pretenders GTV threw in the towel, and disappeared with our dimes! These thieving lumpens had only soccer to show on their pathetic excuse of a TV network, coz the 5 or so other channels that they had on offer were as boring as Top TV and Record TV combined! They just woke up and put notices on their doors “sorry pumpkins, but we needed this dime, do not even try to call any of our phones, they are OFF godamit, so we shall leave you with 2 wise words, figure them out, but the last one ends with off!”

Lets see what February brought, next time!