Blending in the Cultures!!

There will always be cultural and political differences whenever you move to a new community, like if you live in Kampala, then you go see those ancestors in Katawki, u will be pissed when they keep feeding you shit, like there is no food where you’ve been; grandma first brings roasted maize, “take yis wanu, its veye chweet…” she fumbles trying to speak through her toothless gums (harsh??? shya, we shall also get there, leave mi alone), sori folks, that was my conscience telling me its usual un-called for bullshit!!

Before the last grain is off the roasted maize cob, grandma than walks in with a steaming dish (metallic stuff from the 1980 steel factory that still existed) of boiled potatoes and half cooked beans, with large salt crystals still showing on the beans. The food comes and at first glance, you think its some sizzling pork from Faze 2, kumbe they open it and the steam sends you to a temporary daze, like some rugby chap that just got knocked the f*** out! Your stuff of “am full” falls on deaf ears, and I don’t mean that grandma doesn’t want to hear it, but SHE’S DEAF GODDAMIT!! (Piss off conscience, but we shall get deaf too).

Anyway, before u know it, grandma gets those bu boys that usually live with her, probably rejects from one of her useless sons that didn’t have a dime to purchase a condom, and tells them to dress up they are going to church to pray for that guy that lives 3 hills away from them, who died of ringworms, and this is when you know that Global Fund dimes actually kill people when stolen.

The kids come out dressed to kill, with a t-shirt written on “G Unit” and khaki shorts that you sent to the village when you were done with Kitante Primary School, and “Umoja” slippers, only worn when going to church! (F* Off conscience, we may get broke too!)

Seeing village life opens your mind (however silly it may be) to the fact that life has so many dimensions! Which is why its very hard for one to move cities, or villages for that matter.

Our young brothers in Kigali (A fatwa may be issued on my ass for typing that) are so different it may take a full year before one actually settles in (depending on one’s social index projections) coz these guy’s don’t play around. If you drive around, you MUST have a fire extinguisher in yo car!! If that stuff applied in Kla, guys would be emptying their extinguisher powder on boda boda guys that be riding like roaches fleeing from doom!

You must also have a reflector, incase you run out of fuel and yo car is stuck in the road. Here, we just go to the nearest tree, gather some branches off it and spread them a meter from the car. If it gets dark and you don’t see these leaves, sorry but the accident that you will cause will mean I get to have company as I wait to be towed away!

For those that want to get married, Kigali is it! There are few places for “clando” activities, plus, there’s only 850,000 inhabitants of the city, compared to Kla’s 3 milli, so everyone knows yo stray ass. If you don’t have dimes to fly her to Kla once in a while (the clando chick), STAY ON ONE NETWORK PUNK!!

The pint life however is ballistic, for the first week. To be more precise, Kigali is like Bugolobi, so assume you are new in Bugos. The first night, you will be blasting at Catch the Sun, like a problem, you will wish you never went back. The next day, you kick off early at Gabs, it gets boring, so you go to Zone 7, and you meet half the guys that were at Catch the Sun, then day 3, you hit Bead For life, and get excited how there are “many places” to hang, then you finally move to Bamboo Nest on Day 4, by this time you have been meeting the same chick, and you think you like her!

Day 5, “erm, Paul, where haven’t we been yet?”

“Sorry bro, but that’s all the places, back to Catch the Sun now”

So if you work there, remember that afore-mentioned chick that you liked? Now, marry her, coz if you stray at Bead For life, her friends will “report on you!”

(No offence Kigali chaps, but It is wat it is!! Happy Holidays PUNKS!)