Sshhhh.....Silence! God at work!!

It’s an early Thursday morning, the scene is heaven, the camera zooms in through clouds and smoke (incense and weed, Abraham is smoking his 900 year old self to un heard of heights on a rolled joint) and we zoom in to the big Guy, God, and am not on that bible chap, see that’s a bullshit creation of a bunch of talented authors, but the supreme being, Jah Rastafari, Allah, God, the guy we have no clue about, is the chap am on!

He is seated typing away, programming newly born creatures, and how they shall behave in their lives.

See, thing is, God is an IT technician. When chaps create programs, like blogspot for example, they sit their nerdy be-spectacled asses behind computer screens and feed instructions for what the program should do and look like, u can try this at yo desk;

Open “notepad” on yo pc, really, if u don’t know notepad, drag yo ass back to S2 or something; type Wscript.Echo(space)"Wat it is punks, get off my screen!" then save as “hello.vbs”, then under where it says “save as type”, it’ll be showing *.txt, click that arrow and click on “All types”, then save on yo desktop. Close that, go to the desktop and see the shortcut, then click it to open, u have just programmed something (for the non-nerdy ones out there!)

So what happens is, programmers use some words to direct the computer on what to do, it’s called a “programming language”, so if someone says “Java, Visual basic or C+”, tell him to go fuck himself with his Christmas tree, coz that’s no big deal, and while he’s at it, he can violate the goat he is gong to slaughter for the new year’s! (That’s how pissed I get with these nerdy punks, talking big words and stuff!)

What they do in a nutshell, is type out the words, for example;

If

X is Integer

Y is Object

Then

VAT is X + Y * 18%

Else

VAT is Nil

End If

About a million of these commands are issued to the computer such that if you type in something, then the computer is ordered to do the next step, which is multiply what you typed by 18%, and voila, u have the amount to pay for VAT. But the punk IT chap will feel like Jesus for making yo life easy.

In the same way, God creates chaps by giving them a series of commands, for example, this is how he created the following chaps;

Teddy Seezi Cheeye

If

You See Global Fund Dimes

Then

Steal them

Else

Wait for your trial

End If

Justice Ogoola

If

You receive Global fund dime thieves to prosecute

Then

Read them a poem as a judgement

Else

Write a poetry book about it

End If

KCC Employees

If

You see a pothole

Then

Pour sand in it

Else

Just leave it to grow wider

Bobi Wine

If

You see more than 2 people

Then

Attract their attention, in whatever way u can

Else

Your day will be fucked

End If

So just think about yourself, and know how u were created, coz God has some templates he just throws on anyone, the ability to beat these templates, puts you above the rest, for example;

If

Creation is a woman

Then

Must go to salons every Saturday

Else

Will feel low self esteem

End If

And also.....

If

Creation is a male

Then

If exposed to boobs, blood will flow southwards

Else

He becomes a boy-chasing pastor

End If

So that’s my story of creation!!