Xmas Break!!

Happy Holidays to all ye chaps that have been giving me backup up in here (Ms Drama, Ashy), and the rest of you buggers I keep meeting and you be like “that was some crazy shit you posted today” and I just be in shock “you mean you know my shit??? Now, pay for these pints if you don’t mind!”

Lets cap off this year, before the dreaded campaign season begins, and FDC chaps start throwing stones all over again! Let’s resume from September.

Septmeber, this was filled by a surge in ritual murders by chaps looking for a quick dime by chopping off little boys parts for sacrifice to their gods. Chicks were seen rushing their young ones to Salon Sparrows to get their ears pierced and rings in far to reach areas, so they could not be sacrificed in case they were kidnapped while playing “mommy and daddy” in the old and un-used dilapidated building outside Buganda Road P School.

7 Ugandan cricketers saw the light (and snow, and skyscrapers, and dimes, and fly-overs too) and ran off from their team mates after playing a tourney in Canada, they are currently cleaning shit off old people and throwing out the garbage from homes.

Kony Rebels moved to the CAR, a country near Sudan, and mutilated chaps like they used to do here in our backyard. These chaps don’t need visas and air tickets to move within Africa it seems, and we don’t really know why they have beef with CAR.

Sep 30^th, Kabaka Mutebi and HE M7 finally met at State House to drink some chai and talk about how to probably share power. It was all plastic smiles and dishonest handshakes as the 2 moved around watching their backs to see if any knife had been drawn for a final stab! We, the confused and scared chaps still have no clue what these 2 guys yapped about, but it was probably about the new upcoming movie “Avatar”, because even Mwenda still doesnt know anything!

October 7^th, Somalia’s junior Defence Minister was arrested on suspicion that he was going to blow up a few things here and there, until they clarified he was on an assignment! He probably looked like some chap on the wanted list, THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE!

15^TH, the gay bill which has rocked the world (except Uganda) was introduced in parliament. Blokes ranging from US Prez and even the Pope, were heard opposing it, coz the bill said gay chaps should be hang, and probably shot after they had died, just to be sure their ghosts don’t hang around town! The Famous Pastor who had issues turning water into wine, hasn’t yet commented on this touchy issue, but we are as if sure of his comments!

Somali terrorists threatened to send Ugandans to heaven (or hell) earlier than anticipated, by blowing them up to minced meat, and probably feeding them to Marabou Stork. This was due to their being pissed at Uganda’s continued presence in their not-so gifted by nature territory! Uganda’s president responded that “he has fought many battles and won, and this too!!”

Nov 10^th, General Kazini was clobbered to death, by a mere woman! This is not chauvinist, but this chick wasn’t even a Private for Pete’s sake! Apparently he was beating her up! Lydia Draru, the killer chick, had come out of her house to announce to her neighbours how she killed the General. She was probably wailing “excuse me, excuse me, anyone who can hear, I interrupt your morning programmes with this special announcement, I HAVE KILLED HIM, now that was it, you can return to normal programming!”

14^th, announcement by nudist employers Zain that R Kelly, that other star of his own nude show, although his show had a 3rd co-star, urine, shall be performing in Kampala next year. Big Deal!

23^rd, Land Bill passed, and all this despite the little cups of tea shared by the big men sometime in October. Taxpayers dimes spent on teabags and tea spoons went to waste when this bill was passed despite it being a “big issue” at the meet.

December is still on, only a fool would do a roundup yet we still aint done yet, but since I am a fool, well, what the heck, let me be a different one for now!